THE REAL ELECTION PLAN
IS FINALLY LEAKING OUT
The alley behind Chick-fil-A was dark and deserted at this time of night. Kind of chilly as well. But my secret informant had called to set up a meeting.
I wasn’t sure where he got his information, and not all of it was good. Still, he’d occasionally provided a few promising leads.
Anyway, here he stood again, wearing the knitted scarf he always kept wrapped around his face during our nocturnal sessions.
“I’m glad you could come,” he whispered in his usual furtive manner. “I’ve got a scoop for you, and it’s a bombshell.”
“Everything gets called a ‘bombshell’ these days,” I said. “Have you seen the Internet lately?”
“Forget that. This is the real deal.”
I was skeptical, but what the hell — I was already here. “Okay. What’s the story?” I asked.
“Biden is finished,” he whispered.
I looked at him blankly. “That’s not a bombshell,” I said, wondering why I was sacrificing sleep to meet with this character. “Everybody knows the Democrats want Biden to not run again.”
“No, you don’t understand. The whole image is done. They’re gonna phase it out.”
“Well, there’s not much image left. That report about his mental decline and having no memory—”
“You don’t understand. I’m not talking about people’s impression of Biden. I’m talking about Biden himself. He’s an image.”
“Huh?”
“Biden is a holograph. An avatar. Like in a video game.”
“But—”
“Jill has him locked in the basement at their home in Delaware, feeding him ice cream. Probably chocolate chip. What they let the public see is a computer-generated image. Joe Biden is the Max Headroom of our day.”
“Now hold on,” I said, “if they were generating an image, don’t you think they’d make it look more competent? What about all the confusion and all those lapses in attention and focus? Why let him keep tripping whenever he goes up the Air Force One stairway, or keep forgetting where he is?”
“Yeah well, that’s the thing. The image is produced by Artificial Intelligence. But there’s a bug in the system. Computer programming can take unpredictable turns, you know.”
“Hey, no program is that unpredictable. Look at the disastrous way he pulled out of Afghanistan. Look at the millions of illegals pouring over the border. Look at all those healthy young athletes who died after being pressured to take the Covid vaccines. Or how about the billions dumped into a losing war in Ukraine? Why would anybody want the President of the United States to appear so foolish?”
My informant made a quick scan up and down the alley to be sure there was no one within earshot. “At first they didn’t care if Joe was a little dim. In fact, it was an advantage. Made him more malleable, easier to control. But when he started doing really dumb stuff they hauled him off to Wilmington and brought in that holograph.”
He paused briefly, adjusting the scarf. I think it was making his nose itch. Then he continued. “But there’s a problem with the Artificial Intelligence. It’s too accurate. They programed the computer to predict how Joe would act, and to portray his speech and mannerisms. And it reproduced them too well. So they’re gonna phase it out.”
I had to admit that, wild as it sounded, this scenario did have a certain plausibility. It answered a lot of questions. How else could you explain Biden’s destructive behavior? Still, I wasn’t convinced, and my uncertainty must have shown.
“Look,” he said, poking a finger into my chest, “have you ever seen Joe Biden in the flesh? Do you know anyone who has? Whenever he makes one of his alleged public appearances, there’s never anybody in the audience.”
I scratched the side of my head. “Hmmm… You have a point.”
“It’s a psy-op, I’m tellin’ you. Like the moon landing. The whole thing’s faked. The CIA produces this stuff at George Lucas’ special effects studio in San Francisco.”
“Well, I don’t know anything about the moon landing,” I said. “But what are they gonna do about the election? Biden is the presumptive nominee. You can’t just kick a sitting President off the ticket.”
“Yeah, that’s tricky,” he said. “It’s all about timing. They’ll keep the heat on Donald Trump — those phony court cases — and let him complain it’s all a Biden plot. Then at some point they’ll pull the big switcheroo. Joe will announce he’s withdrawing. For health reasons. Good of the country. That kind of stuff. The people behind the scenes have it all worked out.”
“So who’ll be the nominee? Nobody wants Kamala, that’s for sure. But at the same time, how could the Democrats push aside a woman of color? They’d risk alienating their most loyal constituency.”
He chuckled in an almost sinister way, peered up and down the alley once again, and leaned in close to my ear. “Don’t underestimate Artificial Intelligence,” he said.
“You mean—?”
“That’s right. Kamala’s a holograph too. But they’ve done more developmental work on her image. Why do you think they put her on display only on rare occasions? Those are the times when they test their latest programming tweaks.”
He crossed his arms confidently. “The big reveal — Kamala 2.0 — is set for the Democratic Convention.”
“Well, it better be good,” I said. “The public sees Kamala as an imbecile.”
“Your thinking is too limited,” he grumbled, shaking his head. “I’ve been told this A.I. version of Kamala will combine the popularity of Michele Obama, the charisma of Oprah Winfrey, the audience appeal of Beyoncé, the single-minded determination of Meghan Markle, and the flinty aggressiveness of Whoopie Goldberg. Talk about a woman of color! That’s a powerful mix of elements.”
“What about Kamala’s goofy laugh?” I asked.
For the first time my informant seemed hesitant. “They’re still working on that,” he said.
____________
Okay, it’s satire. But if you think this scenario is so far-fetched, check out an essay on American Greatness by Heather Higgins of the Independent Women’s Forum…
https://amgreatness.com/2024/02/17/the-september-surprise/
Leave a Reply